Welcome to the Polyamory Information Page!
There are many wonderful sites on the web for information about polyamory. This page is meant as a short list of some of the best of them. This site is a “front door” for people just finding out about polyamory, and want to know where to start, or for those who are involved with someone who is polyamorous. Each of these resources listed here will have many more links to other resources that address particular issues or concerns.
As a center for information about polyamory, we’ve gotten lots of input from the polyamory community about what resources were *missing* as well. The main lack was for an event that brought together a strong focus on connecting deeply with other polyfolk that also had an emphasis on developing the tools to do polyamory successfully.
So we have created an event to meet those needs. Learning the skills needed for successful polyamorous relationships, building connections with other people at the event, creating the extended network that offers much of the richness of polyamory, and diving deeper into your existing relationships are all part of the experience. Click here to learn more about this!
Modern Poly –
The people at Modern Poly have taken on some major projects and done a great job on them. They have put together lists of poly support groups and an interactive map for the US and elsewhere: www.polygroups.com
This is is a collaboratively created, online listing of polyamory groups. It is an interactive map-based wiki to help people find where to go (geographically) to meet other polyfolk, to find discussions and support groups on polyamory, and to identify activities, events, and businesses that are poly-friendly.
Modern Poly has also created a list of commercial resources that sell polyamory-related materials and memorabilia: http://www.polythings.com/
This is a good general site for learning about polyamory. They publish the online magazine Loving More, they put on conferences and retreats for polyamorous persons, and they give workshops, retreats, and other support to the polyamorous community. They also host the LoveList email discussion group; see the section on e-lists below. They are a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization, and donations to them are tax deductible.
More than Two
Franklin Veaux’s writings on polyamory are entertaining and don’t mince words! He covers many topics about polyamory, and has also published them in book form. The advice and information at his site is first-rate, and unlike some theorists, much of it comes from having learned from his own experiences --of the "don't do that again" variety.
He has some fabulous graphics on related topics as well. Be sure to see his
Map of Non-mongamy: http://www.xeromag.com/nonmonogamy.html
(which makes clear that polyamory is just one of many alternatives to monogamy, and not the only one that is ethical).
Poly in the media/polyamorous percolations/polyamory in the news!
Alan has an amazing website that since 2005 has been tracking articles, essays, videos, and other media that are about polyamory and its changing role in the world. Absolutely fascinating-- both the material that he finds, and his comments on them!
A site just for folks who aren't in/aren't seeking primary-style relationships.
One of the most active and insightful of the email discussion lists on polyamory is Expansive Loving, hosted by Tara Shakti-ma. It describes itself as being focused on spiritual polyamory, but the term “spiritual” is meant in a very broad sense, and most atheists would find themselves completely comfortable with any of the discussion that goes on there. This is a great place to “listen in” on polyfolk talking among themselves, and a wonderful resource for people who are seriously considering polyamorous relationships, or who are in the early stages, and want advice and shared experiences.
Loving More LoveList
The LoveList is perhaps the largest active polyamory discussion list. Lots of people there with decades of experience in polyamory. Anyone raising a question there is sure to get many thoughtful, knowledgeable responses.
Local Groups –
Put in your location, and search on "polyamory". You may need to set your location to the nearest city, and set the radius at 100 miles, which is the largest they allow.
Directory of local poly groups
Poly support groups are great places to learn more about what polyamory *really* is. Most of these groups are very friendly to newcomers, and aren’t interested in “converting” anyone. A common saying among polyfolk is “Fish in your own pond. Mate with your own kind.” So if you aren't that kind of fish, no one will try to hook you! :-)
As we mentioned above, this directory of local groups is a project of Modern Poly.
There are very frequent poly-specific and poly-friendly events all over the US and in many other parts of the world; it would be hard to find even a single day that didn’t have a poly event somewhere. Alan’s Poly in the Media site has one of the most comprehensive lists of poly events, though there are far too many for anyone to list them all. These events range from a lunch-time or evening get-togethers to multi-day events to intensive workshops and more.
Online sites -
This is the only dating site that I know of that is dedicated to polyamorous people. There have been some controversies over the years about how it is managed, but overall is a worthwhile resource. There is a "matching" service at PolyMatchMaker; however, many people find the discussion forums to be the most valuable part of the site.
OKCupid is a general-purpose dating site, but its matching algorithms are so good that if you are poly, you will mostly get matched with other people who are poly or at least open to it. And it is completely free for most users.
OKCupid does not have a relationship status for "polyamorous". When you first register, it may even seem that they are not "poly-friendly": the only relationship options they give are "Single", "Seeing someone" (here for friends)" or "Married (here for friends)". However, there is a "secret" status option! Once you have registered, and if you have chosen "Seeing Someone" or "Married", it says: " You’ll appear as Available if you are looking for dates. Update the “I’m looking for” essay in your profile." Once you select one or more of the dating options, your status will show as "Available" the next time you log in.
The first time I tried OK Cupid, the first five matches included my two nesting partners and a former lover that I am still very close with. Others I know have had similar results, so their system is pretty impressive.
To get the best results from OKCupid, answer *lots* of questions—that’s how they make their matches. Answer at least 300; more is better. It doesn't take long, and you can answer more at any time. Only answer questions that *particularly* resonate for you—skip any that seem unclear, or where none of the answers jump out at you).
Then do a search by "Match %" -- most of those folks will be poly or open to poly relationships. Then do another search by "Friend %". For me, I've found that anyone with less than an 80% rating is very unlikely to be a good match.
Your profile is important as well. It doesn't change who they match you with, but it *does* affect whether someone who sees your profile will be interested in communicating with you.
They have many other features, including surveys, personality tests, etc. While these may be fun, they have *no* effect on who you get matched with.
There are many books on polyamory that have been written in the last 20 years. Probably the best for beginners, and for experienced polyfolk as well, is More Than Two, by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert. It can be ordered here.
Two of the best general books for someone who wants to learn more about polyamory would include The Ethical Slut, Second Edition, by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, and Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships, by Tristan Taormino. There are many other good books as well; many of them have more specific focuses. Alan, of Poly in the Media, has compiled a (hopefully) complete list with descriptions and links:
These organizations are not specifically focused on polyamory, but a significant number of their participants are polyamorous, and *all* relationship styles are welcomed and honored.
Network For a New Culture
Human Awareness Institute
There is not currently any resource focused on polyamory for teenagers, but Scarleteen is a fantastic resource about all issues relating to sexuality and relationships for teens.
For monogamous people who have a poly partner:
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For polyamorous people who have a monogamous partner:
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Resources for those in polyamorous relationships who also are seeing professional therapists who may not be informed about polyamory:
Informative letter: What Psychology Professionals Should Know About Polyamory
WORKING WITH POLYAMOROUS CLIENTS IN THE CLINICAL SETTING :
This site was created and is maintained by Michael Rios (www.michaelrios.com), Jonica Hunter, and other volunteers, under the auspices of the Center For a New Culture, a 501(c)(3) non-profit (donations are tax-deductible).
We don't intend this to be a complete list in any sense. All the resources listed here are ones that we have personal experience with, and are highly regarded by many polyamorous people. Anything on this website has been highly recommended by at least a dozen people who are widely known in the polyamory community as organizers, educators, and counselors. There are many excellent sites and resources that are *not* listed here. We have chosen a few of each type of resource for people who are just learning about polyamory, and want to know where to start.
If you think that a particular resource should be added to our list, please send it to email@example.com. We will submit this to our advisors, and if the vast majority of them think it is essential, we will add it. Please don't be offended if we don't include it-- our intention is to keep this list as short as possible!
We are also very grateful for any feedback about our site or the resources listed on it. We would love to hear about which ones you found valuable, or not, or any other comments you may have. Send to: